I used to give words freely.

Not only with homeless people on the street, but with my clients, with colleagues, and with strangers. If I saw a need, I would offer a word of encouragement. If I saw something about their life that they simply could not see that would elevate them, I spoke words of life into them.

But then over and over again, I experienced an unusual phenomenon. I had a 60-year-old female attach herself to me, after only a brief meeting. I had a dangerous stalker in his 20s and I had another one in his 60s, who messaged me 3000 times. In each case, I had only delivered brief words of encouragement. A man I had never met, irrationally signed his messages with, your future husband.

So here’s what I noticed.

This is a phenomenon in the psychology industry known as transference.

When you fill a need, or give someone the answers that they desperately need or that no one else can give them, they often transfer their feelings of love onto you. When I speak life into someone, I know that it is just God in me talking and not me. Or, there is an unmet need in the individual that you’ve filled with words. A problem that’s been solved.

At first I thought that I was having this problem
because I was a woman. I decided to dress more conservatively, and I decided to pull back my words. When it came to men, I did not share words of affirmation. But even then it occurred.

Anytime I would speak words that changed a life, or a prophetic word, it often (not always) seemed that there would be some sort of deep emotional connection that person felt towards me.


This is something that is common for many speakers and psychologists. And now I believe it’s common for authors too. When you reveal a certain part of your life by writing a book, and you have the ability to change lives, it touches people.


I had several women text and call me and ask me if I was having a relationship with her husband. One was a woman in her 60s. It boggled my mind. He was a pastor! He wasn’t Brad Pitt. Clearly, she had a blind spot or an insecurity working against her.

And I am decades younger.

And so because of that, I Went through a very long season of pulling back and not talking to men at all, and then I remembered my own father, who committed suicide when I was seven.

I decided not to withdraw my words anymore.

I did a Tedx talk on the power of words and how words are currency. And it got me thinking.

I cannot control how people feel, good or bad, after a conversation. But I should not stop giving positive words to people, just because it might be perceived incorrectly. And neither should you!

words change lives.
Words have power.
Words build or destroy.

Make yours matter. Because they do.  Words are currency.  Give freely. Regardless of what people think.

The Writers Group
We use words to change lives


3 thoughts on “Taboo.

  1. People are desperate for healing words, like stucco in the cracks. Until this article I didn’t understand really how stalkers become that way or how they choose who to stalk. Thank you for the enlightenment.


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